Issue date: 3/20/07 Section: Opinion

Fred lambuth - The Battalion

Read this sentence carefully: For 35 years in the United States, there have been almost 50 million legally terminated pregnancies. Fifty million. That is one-sixth of the U.S.'s entire population.

Now read this sentence: In the United States today, approximately one in four pregnancies end in abortion. Put another way, one in four babies in America never take their first breath.

And though you may not be, I, for one, am happy about this.

I love abortion. For starters, it promotes economic development. Three-fourths of all women cite financial strain as their reason for choosing abortion. On top of that, the abortion rate among women living below the federal poverty level is more than four times that of women 300 percent above it. So as long as the trend keeps up, we will have fewer and fewer poor people and more and more rich people.

I love abortion. It alleviates single women from the strain of parenting. Two-thirds of all abortions are among never-married women, and half of all women cite either not wanting to raise the child by themselves or having problems with their husband or partner as the reason they abort. So as long as the trend keeps up, we will have happier, more carefree women who don't have to be single moms just because they got pregnant.

I love abortion. It is the pinnacle expression of female liberty. According to "Roe v. Wade," women have a constitutional right over their own bodies and can therefore terminate a pregnancy as long as the baby cannot support itself outside the uterus. For years women could not vote. Now, however, they can pronounce their rights and freedoms louder than ever before. They can abort.

I love abortion. It helps me promote myself in every way. I am white, and to be white is to be privileged. Black women are almost four times as likely as white women to have an abortion, and Hispanic women are 2.5 times as likely. So as long as the trend keeps up, I should be able to maintain my superior status in the world without even having to fight for it.

Abortion makes the United States healthy, wealthy, wise and white. It keeps the poor out and the rich in. It prevents single women from having to care for a child all alone. It is a magnificent demonstration of constitutional liberation. From conception to extinction, from inauguration to annihilation, abortion is helping Americans be all they can be.

If only it wasn't murder.

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools