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Wings now. Problems later.

In the around-the-clock schedule of the college student, energy drinks seem like a fix. Just don't drink too much.

By: James Cavin

Issue date: 9/8/08 Section: Opinion
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Actually, my immediate reaction was more along the lines of: "Hey, I wonder how many bedsprings I have? Hey! I wonder if they conduct electricity? Hey! I wonder how long I can say the words 'sunshine city' as fast as I can without breathing? Hey, I've been doing that for five minutes now! Hey, why am I jumping up and down in the middle of my room in my pajamas and playing an air guitar while yelling what I think might be the lyrics to 'Welcome to the Jungle,' only more profane?" Of course, I had been doing nothing but imbibing energy drinks since I woke up.

Red Bull claims to give you wings. All I have to say is that you're going to need them. Caffeine is known in the medical community as a "diuretic," coming from the Greek "diu" meaning "makes you" and "retic" meaning "pee every 30 seconds." When you've drunk enough Red Bull that you have caffeine coursing through your veins instead of blood, the effects are torrential to say the least.

Of course, these are the least of your worries. Not only does caffeine make you jittery and irritable, it can outright kill you. That's right, caffeine overdose is a real danger. A simple Google search will unearth a horrifying amount of information that the energy drink industry would prefer unknown. Not only can you learn about the horrible medical implications of caffeine use and overdose, there's even a web site with a "death by caffeine" quiz where you can see how much of your favorite beverage would kill you. For instance, at 155 pounds it would take 132.23 cans of Red Bull to kill me. That's roughly 12.5 gallons. Now, I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble here, but I'm pretty sure consuming 12.5 gallons of anything will kill you. Green Jello, for instance.
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