Spring Break
What to do when $875 billion just won't get the job done
Economy needs a jumpstart? Put it in the undergrads' hands.
By: Jason Staggs
Issue date: 2/9/09 Section: Opinion
To the leaders of the illustrious 111th Congress of the United States:
In view of their somewhat-less-than-profitable efforts, I humbly submit a suggestion for stimulating the national economy. In the immortal words of failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry, "I have a plan." (Only this time people get to see what the plan is before they choose whether or not to support it.)
Step One: Do not shrink the size of the house stimulus bill. Something around a trillion dollars in new spending is desperately needed, and in fact, $875 billion is undershooting it a little.
If the federal government has been able to give out hundreds of billions of dollars in loans from foreign dictators and megabanks over the past few decades to pay for useless things like the Department of Defense, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, surely there's still credit out there somewhere for us to feed on.
I don't care if it's our great-grandchildren's grandchildren's great-grandchildren's credit, we need it now. Obviously, the federal government hasn't been spending enough over the past eight years, or we wouldn't be in the jam that our silly free market economy got us into.
Step Two: U.S. Senate Republicans need to send a bill to the House of Representatives to replace the omnibus pork bus President Obama sent in January. This bill should have these allocations: $875 billion (at least) in stimulus checks to every college undergrad. One line item in the bill and they're done. You laugh, but I have done the math on this. It works.
There are about 14.2 million students pursuing an associate's or bachelor's degree in the U.S. this year. If you take a calculator and divide 14.2 million people into $875 billion, you reach the whopping number of $61,619.72 per student. Imagine what would happen if every college student in America received a check for $60,000. For those of you with limited imaginations, allow me to enlighten you on why this plan is flawless.
In view of their somewhat-less-than-profitable efforts, I humbly submit a suggestion for stimulating the national economy. In the immortal words of failed presidential candidate John F. Kerry, "I have a plan." (Only this time people get to see what the plan is before they choose whether or not to support it.)
Step One: Do not shrink the size of the house stimulus bill. Something around a trillion dollars in new spending is desperately needed, and in fact, $875 billion is undershooting it a little.
If the federal government has been able to give out hundreds of billions of dollars in loans from foreign dictators and megabanks over the past few decades to pay for useless things like the Department of Defense, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, surely there's still credit out there somewhere for us to feed on.
I don't care if it's our great-grandchildren's grandchildren's great-grandchildren's credit, we need it now. Obviously, the federal government hasn't been spending enough over the past eight years, or we wouldn't be in the jam that our silly free market economy got us into.
Step Two: U.S. Senate Republicans need to send a bill to the House of Representatives to replace the omnibus pork bus President Obama sent in January. This bill should have these allocations: $875 billion (at least) in stimulus checks to every college undergrad. One line item in the bill and they're done. You laugh, but I have done the math on this. It works.
There are about 14.2 million students pursuing an associate's or bachelor's degree in the U.S. this year. If you take a calculator and divide 14.2 million people into $875 billion, you reach the whopping number of $61,619.72 per student. Imagine what would happen if every college student in America received a check for $60,000. For those of you with limited imaginations, allow me to enlighten you on why this plan is flawless.
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