Spring Break
Did you hear?
Issue date: 2/26/09 Section: Features
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Girl: "How was your weekend?"
Guy: "Not too good, I was sick."
Girl: "That's too bad, what was wrong?"
Boy: "Ummm, I'm pretty sure I had salmonella."
Girl: "Oh man, that's pretty bad huh?"
Boy: "Yeah, I mean, a lot of people die from it, but I have a pretty good immune system so I'm OK."
Professor complaining about spelling errors in student papers: "Did anyone type this on anything other than a computer?"
Couple studying together and having a conversation about Miss America Pageants:
Girl: "Why don't they have Mr. America Pageants?"
Guy: "Because they don't want to get all dressed up."
Girl: "They could just take off their shirts and walk around."
Guy: "What type of TV you trying to watch here?"
"But this guy has a lot of hobbies. He stayed at home all day playing with his dog."
On Wednesday: "Sure, I'm Catholic and all, but I don't believe in giving things up for Lent because it does nothing to help the kids in Africa with flies on their faces."
Guy: "Wait - Groundhog Day is only in Texas?"
Guy: "Ugh, sorority girls. I hate them. They're practically subhuman. I hate when they introduce themselves and they're like, 'Hi, I'm a Zeta.' I'm always like, 'Hi, I'm a person.'"
Guy: "That guy is queer as a $3 bill."
Girl: "Notice anything different about my hair?"
Guy: "It's…dark?"
Girl: "False. It's like eight inches shorter. And I have bangs. And it's pink."
Girl 1: "You need to change before you go to class. You're going to regret it later."
Girl 2: "I just feel like, maybe, it's going to be OK."
Female professor: "I have no idea what I tripped over. It was like I had a brain cramp and forgot how to walk."
Male professor: "Today is Mardi Gras. Fat Tuesday. Or as those of us who are fat call it, Tuesday."
Girl: "My brother met this tuba player who's apparently a really big deal. He's like the Brad Pitt of the tuba world."
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