Issue date: 3/12/09 Section: Opinion

Media Credit: Osazuwa Okundaye [Click to enlarge]

Spring break is nearly upon us, which means hordes of Aggies are getting ready to head off to exotic locales for a week of relaxation and recuperation from the strenuous scholastic year.

Or at least, that's what I used to think. I'm on to you people now. I recently read an article that revealed the bitter truth to me.

Apparently spring break activities traditionally include binge drinking, recreational drug use and casual sex. This is news to me. I traditionally spend the entire week asleep to catch up on all the lost hours leading up to midterms. I suppose spending the entire week in a state of unconsciousness is about identical to what y'all will be doing, except I won't wake up with the name "Bubba" tattooed across my posterior (or, for that matter, with Bubba himself.)

So the question I really have is, why can't students do this where they already are, instead of making expensive trips out of the country? I mean, I'm pretty sure that binge drinking, recreational drug use and casual sex will be just as casually, druggily bingeful on my couch as they will in Cancun.

That's right; you, too, can make irresponsible, life-changing decisions from the comfort of your own home. Why waste time, money and effort to travel? Just sit tight and I'll walk you through the process of having the best budgeted spring break from your recliner.

If you can't make it to the beach, just bring the beach to you. Throw some sand on the floor and bust out the wine coolers. The best part? It can be whatever kind of beach you want. I decided mine was a tropical nude beach, but now my roommates won't speak to me.

What else do you do to celebrate spring break at home, you might ask? Why, casual sex, of course. Unfortunately, I can't be a whole lot of help in this department because I've never really understood this phrase. "Casual sex?" I'm still trying to figure out the "casual" part. Is this like "casual reading" or "casual games," where you pick it up for two minutes and then leave to go do something else? Well, I guess it would beat casual Sudoku in the back of class. "No, I don't have a question, I was just, umm..stretching."

Continued...

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