Spring Break
Good girls get it all
As its gossip supply runs dry, Hollywood looks to turn things upside down.
By: Tracey Wallace
Issue date: 6/30/09 Section: Opinion
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Celebrities are portrayed as thieves, as people who should be locked up and as people who need to eat. Wynona Ryder, Brittney Spears and Mary-Kate Olsen - just to name a few. Basically, Hollywood is a land foreign to reality and oblivious to social standards.
Generally, Hollywood stories are taken well because we love the drama, we love the scandals and we love thin, hot girls getting pregnant, losing their minds and shaving their heads.
Who wouldn't? Historically, reading a People magazine has been the equivalent of going to a Shakespearean play. Perhaps not as fancy, but it's the same general idea: hear the latest rumors of the famous folks and laugh about how miserable their lives are, despite how much more miserable yours is, but end the event with an upbeat, "but we still love you," tagline so as not to be sentenced to death, or slapped with a libel suit. Oh, what would we do without satire?
But recently, Hollywood has become desperate. Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are no longer puzzling our minds with scientology babble. John Mayer is no longer messing around with the most beautiful women in the business. And, amazingly, no one is pregnant. News is sparse. What to do?
What will grab the attention of millions of self-loathing Americans and have us spontaneously buy the newest issue while in the checkout line with our candy bars and beer?
Celebrity cellulite? Done before.
Anorexia attacks on young Hollywood? Old news.
Bat boy? No, no, people finally caught on to that one.
Just as any good advertising company's minions, the paparazzi of Hollywood have pushed the envelope and done something never done before.
Headline: "The Good Girl Wins."
And that's not referring to the 2002 semi-decent failure that Jennifer Aniston starred in, nor is it an actual headline. But, that's exactly what is happening.
In case you haven't heard or read the passing headlines at the grocery store, let me catch you up: Brad and Angelina are momentarily split up. Shocker, but wait, it gets better: Brad is secretly paying visits to Jennifer. OMG! Time to IM the BFF.
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